Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Tis the season I guess!  Every time I turn around on Facebook someone else is announcing their pregnancy.  Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for my friends and family, but at the same time, I feel that pang of jealousy.

I thought having the hysterectomy would have made my reaction to babies and pregnancies much harder to deal with, but I have noticed no change.  The only real difference is that I no longer think to myself that maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a baby of my own.  Now I know that possibility is gone, so I no longer think it.  But it doesn't make it any harder on me, if that makes sense.

I see these women, some girls I went to school with or worked with or knew through other friends, having babies, posting pictures of their families and the smiling kids, and it makes me hurt.  I knew these women when they were just kids themselves.  It is strange seeing them with families, with adorable babies in their arms, with their proud husbands by their sides.  It makes me want that for me and Peter.

I know I will have a step daughter soon, and I know she calls me mom already, but it is NOT the same.  I don't have the same love for her that a mother has for her baby when she holds them in her arms for the first time.  I don't have that special bond, that connection that makes motherhood so precious.  I don't get to have my son/daughter hold my finger for the first time, or smile at me for the first time, or hear momma for the first time.  I missed out on all of that, and it makes me hurt.  Not sad, hurt.

These feelings don't surface very often, thankfully, and usually don't stay for long......

Monday, November 14, 2011

Paracord Bracelets to Help a Friend

Today I received my paracord bracelet I ordered from a wonderful friend.  She makes and sells this beautiful pieces to help pay for her double lung transplant she had a few years ago. I ordered mine in purple and green to show support for Cystic Fibrosis and Organ Donation.  I can't wait to wear this out in public and have people ask me about them!

Beautiful aren't they????

If you are interested in purchasing on (or more) see her website Here.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Please Vote for US!


Peter and I have a chance to win $5,000 for our wedding and when you vote you can win a $500 Michael's gift card :)

Please help us make this wedding super special!!!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Slight Update - Nothing Exciting

Sorry for the lapse in posting.  I can't say I have been busy, I just haven't been up to blogging.

My PCP and I decided to stop the Wellbutrin, restart the Celexa until my stomach settled then try a lower dose of Wellbutrin.  So tomorrow I will be trying the Wellbutrin again, but keeping on the Celexa for a week to see if that helps.  If neither helps with the nausea then I will have to decide if I want to stay on a reduced dose of Celexa and deal with the side effects, or to try to ween off of them altogether.  The latter of course opens me up to crazy mind games and bad moods again.  However, I am in a much better place than I was 4 years ago when I started on the meds.  So perhaps I will be OK weening away from them.  Only time will tell, as the saying goes.

Last week I had my follow up transplant appointment to discuss all the testing I had done.  I didn't get a chance to meet with the NP since she had an emergency that morning so I am meeting with her this Friday.  But I did get to see nutrition and the social worker.  Everything seems great so far.  My weight is stable and at a good place.  I did mention that the Celexa has played a huge part in my weight stability recently and that I will probably be going off of it.  If this happens I will have to work extremely hard once again to keep my weight up.  If I get below 17.1 BMI then I would be deemed too thin for transplant.  All that I really need to do is get my teeth checked out and start pulmonary rehab.  I think I am going to wait until Christmas break to begin that though.  It is 3 days a week and right now with my grad class I know I won't be able to handle them both.  But if I am already doing the 3 days a week when next semester starts I can work class into it.

That is about it.  Health has been stable, I guess.  Preparing for winter and the cold season.