Fabulouso

Today's clinic went a little better than I had thought it would.  They just updated their PFT cart so now there isn't a flexible tube, but instead a rigid stand.  They also changed the predicted values to the standard.  So before I was switching to my calculations, for this blog, I now don't have to do that.  My "new" predicted is 3.06L which is only slightly below what I was using at 3.10L.  The difference is really insignificant (1/2%).   I was expecting to see my % go down because of the new predicted values....

So now on the results of said clinic.  My FEV1 went up slightly instead!  I was at 1.03L in July, exactly 2 months ago, and this time I was 1.11L.  My % stayed the same at 36%, but now it is a true 36%.  I shall take that 3% increase (my calculations were 33% for 1.03L last time - are you as confused as me?!?!).  However, I am still lower than I was right before I was admitted back in June when I was at 1.13L.  But that is a small difference.

My weight was down 5 lbs, but my appetite has been sluggish and with the exercise it is to be expected.  She was not worried about it because I feel FABULOUS.

Yes FABULOUS.  I feel great.  There were no issues to report.  No extra coughing.  No fevers.  No chest pain (besides my regular which hasn't been as bad as I had expected given my no Motrin usage now).  Nothing, nadda, zilch, zero.  I told her my O2 has been higher with rest - usually I am around 93-94% on room air at rest, sometimes 95% if I sit long enough - but lately it has been as high as 97-98%!  And my exercise tolerance has improved dramatically too.  I have started doing rolling hills on the treadmill and strength training twice a week.  Once with the trainer and once on my own.  I don't push myself as hard as she does, but its easier to lift heavier than you can with a spotter.

I was told to come back in three months (something I haven't done since moving up here) and call if there are any issues in the mean time.

I could not have been happier with today.

Amazing Difference in 3 Months from Exercise!!!

This is the story of a Cyster's desire to improve her body and her health.  This is a story with a happy plot line.  This story is not over yet.

Three months ago I joined a new gym.  I had been at my old one for a while but it was boring, I didn't like the atmosphere and I felt like a puny girl.  Then the end of February I found a flyer in the mail-room of our condo.  It was for a women's only gym down the street.  Closer than the other gym!!!  I decided to check it out.  It was a bit more pricey but it had a good vibe and they offered classes for teens which was perfect for my step-daughter.  I was hooked!  I signed up that day and have not looked back since.

With the gym membership (and an annual fee) you can get a fitness consult to see where you are body wise. It was $90 and you get 4 appointments.  I couldn't say no.  March 13, 2013 I had my first consult.  I was nervous.  I felt fat and gross and so out of shape.  I say I FELT that way because while I was out of shape, I was far from fat.  

Here are some stats from that consult:

Weight: 126.2 lbs

BMI: 22.4

Body Fat: 30.8%

Fat Mass: 38.9 lbs

Cardio Fitness: 28.9 (needs improvement - NI)

Grip Strength: 51.6 (Fair)

Push ups (on your knees): 7 (NI)

Sit and Reach: 13.2 (NI)

Plank: 11 (Good)

Vertical Jump: 7.7 (NI)

Fast forward to today.  It has been 3 months, and only 6 personal training sessions.  I exercise 5-6 days a week.  I do cardio for 4 days, strength training one day a week and then I also do Tone It Up.  I am eating better, I am working out, and I am seeing results (and I realize I sound like a dam infomercial!).  

Here are today's stats:

Weight: 121.2 lbs

BMI: 21.5

Body Fat: 28.4% (28% is normal)

Fat Mass: 34.4 lbs

Cardio Fitness: 37.8 (Very Good)

Grip Strength: 52.9 (Fair)

Push ups (on your knees): 25 (Very Good)

Sit and Reach: 22.86 (NI)

Plank: 11 (Good)

Vertical Jump: 12.7 (NI)

Now for the kicker:

I lost 14.25 inches from my body!!!

3/4" from my neck

1.5" from my shoulders

1.5" from my chest

2.5" from my waist

2.5" from my hips

2.0" from each of my thighs

I lost 4.5 lbs of body fat and decreased my Body Fat% by 2.4%.  

My biggest surprise is not the 14" that I lost, but the improvement in my cardio functions!  Granted, today I could not finish the treadmill test (they increase the incline and I insisted that once I hit 90% O2 we stop since my lungs are not fully cooperating), whereas last time I forced myself to finish no matter what.  But my recovery time for my HR was much better this time around.  

I knew I lost weight, I knew I lost inches.  But I had no idea the results were this fabulous.  My trainer asked if I wanted to be on the testimonial board and I said yes!!!  After 6 sessions to see such an improvement, it makes me so happy.  I realize now that the hard work IS paying off.  I may not get back to work, but I know I will be healthier, and if I keep this up, when I get a transplant, hopefully my recovery and chances of survival will increase with the added health on the rest of my body.  

I love this!!!

Everything is Vanilla Right Now

Last Tuesday I had my clinic appointment.  I also met with the respiratory therapist to go over my vest settings and airway clearance tactics.  It is a new thing they are doing to try to get people more aware of how to use their devices and improve their health.  Nothing really changed with my settings.  She mentioned I should schedule in breaks between frequency intervals so I can do some huff coughing.  Its hard when I am not all gooey to get stuff up.  I told her I do the vest not because I feel better when I do it, but because if my lungs still crap out I can say well I am doing everything.  Its the truth.  And at least I am doing it!  Faithfully!  Seriously its been like 3 months now and I have missed a few days to being sick and that is it!  Considering it had been months before this is like wicked amazing.

Clinic was clinic.  Nothing changed.  I am more run down and feeling crappy but I also had the flu and she told me to finish the 2 weeks of orals I was given and see how I feel.  I go back in June and if I am crappy still I will see about IVs.  This is the longest stint without IVs since I moved up here.  I attribute it to my exercise regime.  Whether or not that is true I don't know, but I feel pretty good considering its been almost 5 months since my last course.  My lung function was the same 38%.  Weight was down 3lbs thanks to the flu.  O2 normal, HR normal, BP normal.  Booooring lol.  Nothing at all exciting, and quite frankly I will take it.

I am a little disappointed though.  My clinic is participating in the next Vertex trial and I was asked to do it, if I wanted to.  Unfortunately you have to have an FEV1 of 40% or higher, and even with a treatment I don't hit that mark.  So I am still out.  Kind of sad.  I enjoy the studies.  Maybe more exercise will bump me up more and I can do another one....this makes two in two months I was shot down.  le sigh...

Identity

Why is it that we look upon ourselves so much harsher than the rest of the world?  Why can't we be happy with the way in which we look?  Why must I stress myself out that I look gross when in reality I don't?

I have never dealt with these feelings before and I don't like them.  I feel fat one minute and then fine with the why I look the next.  I eat something now, that my old CF body would have thrived on, and feel disgusting afterwards.  Yet when I try to eat only healthy good for you foods my body craves the fat causing foods and it drives me crazy.  I can't win.

I could win.

I could tell my brain to STFU and be thankful I am alive and have a good BMI.  But we all know that won't happen.

Game On!

My weight back in January was 58.1 kgs or 127.8 lbs

My weight today, thankfully, was 57.2 kgs or 125.8 lbs

I have lost 2 lbs and that was WITH trying.  I have 7.8 lbs to go to get back to my "normal" weight.

So starting next week some friends and I are going to do the Game On! diet plan.  It sounds like a lot of fun.  Basically diet and exercise become a game to play.  There are teams and each day each player wins points for eating healthy, exercising, sleeping enough etc.  There are point losers as well like snacking.  Once a week the players meet up to tally the scores.  The team with the most points at the end of 4 weeks wins.  And you can decide a head of time what that prize might be.  Check out the book here.  I am really looking forward to starting it.

I remember like 10 years ago going to the doctors and wishing I could add coins or rocks to my pockets so my weight would be up, or wearing a lot of layers just to get those few extra ounces so I wouldn't get the "you need to put weight on" lecture.  Now, I wear as few layers as possible and try not to eat before I go because it makes me cringe to read the scale.  I am NOT fat by any means and I don't want people thinking I think I am fat.  As I have stated in other blog posts, I am just uncomfortable with my body and am working on it.  I want the body I had in 2006 back.

THIS body:

In other news....I had my clinic appointment today.  PFTs down a bunch...as per usual.  I was 1.28L (43%) back in January after my 2 weeks of IVs and today I was 1.07L (36%). Quite the drop.  So two weeks of oral Cipro to hold me off from getting lower, and maybe even helping me rise.  And when I go back May 1st, if there is no increase it is IV time.  Which works out well as my class ends May 10th and the next semester doesn't start till the 21st so I can squeeze a hospital stay in there fine.  I will have to figure out then another inpatient stay come September so I am good and healthy for our honeymoon in October.

Ironic thing is I feel fine.  Nothing to report to her.  Good in that sense, but bad that I dropped so much.  Just sucks lol.

Feeling Fat

As a CFer being "fat" is a good thing.  It means you have a cushion for when your lungs decline so that if you do lose weight you won't get into that bad low weight zone.  For me, my comfortable cushion is around 114lbs.  I always felt like I had a harder time breathing when I was any heavier than that.  And for years I never had to worry since it was rare I got that high.  I was normally around 107-108lbs, that was about 3.5 years ago.  With that I would eat as much as I could when I felt like it.

Now....I am at a whopping 128lbs.  14lbs above my comfort weight and 20lbs above my normal.

But you are probably asking how my normal weight can be 107 when I haven't seen that in 3.5 years?  Well the answer is actually simple.  3.5 years ago I started on anti-depressants.  All of a sudden my weight was not an issue.  I put on weight and kept it on for the first time ever.  I was consistently around 114-117lbs. And more recently 118-120lbs.  I was not happy with the 120lbs and tried to lose some weight to no avail.

Then 4 months ago I was put on another weight gainer pill....a hormone replacement drug for my hysterectomy.  From that I put on 8lbs in 3 months.  WOW.  That is the LARGEST gain I have ever had in that short amount of time.  I tried to blame a full gut on the weight thinking there was no way I could possibly gain that much any other way.  But after several clean outs and not loosing more than 1-2lbs and then promptly re-gaining it, I knew it was not pooh.  It is REAL weight.

I have recently stopped the anti-depressants so I could shed a few pounds and also because I feel like I am at a place where I don't need them anymore.  I have some on hand if I get all crazy again.  But I have faith I shall be OK.  I have also decided to stop the hormone replacement pills.  I did not want to start them in the first place but both the CF doctor and gynecological oncologist who did the surgery insisted I needed to be on it. I understand their concerns but I had no menopause symptoms and didn't want to add another drug.  I reluctantly agreed and I think after 4 months I am OK stopping it.  Again, I can restart it if I feel I need to.

The real reasoning behind the change in meds is I feel fat and gross.  Today as I was looking at myself in the mirror while walking on the treadmill (why do they put mirrors there anyway?) I felt like I was staring at someone else.  Who is that person with chubby cheeks and a gut?  That can't be me?  I am not that heavy.  But I am.  That start of a double chin and pudgy gut IS me.

I can hear you all saying that I have lost my mind.  That I am not fat or pudgy and that I still look the same as I always have.  And in a sense you are right.  I am not fat, not by anyone's standards but my own.  But that is just it.  MY standards make me feel fat.  I am not comfortable with my weight.  To go from a size 4 with a belt to a size 6 with a button that won't button is a huge blow to the self esteem.  And sure I could buy new pants that fit me, and sure I could buy new shirts that aren't so tight on me, and sure I could go broke doing this, but who wants to?  It was different when I went from a 2 to a 4 because that was great.

Now I just feel like gluttony has taken over and I don't want to feel that way anymore.  When I get dressed in the mornings I want to feel amazing.  I want to look at myself and smile and know that I look good.  I don't want to wear sweat pants all the time because they are more comfortable and don't dig into my stomach.  I want to be comfortable with myself and how I look.  Whether that means I need to lose 10lbs or 20 to get to were I feel comfortable, it will happen.  And if my doctors get angry they can.  But in the end I am the one who has to be comfortable with myself, not them.

**No I am not doing anything drastic.  I don't want anyone thinking they need to call someone to make sure I don't get all bulimic on you.  I want to be comfortable with myself, not a bag of bones**