Friday, August 31, 2012

FREE Giveaway!

Do you want to win a FREE hat, scarf and mitten set for this upcoming winter?  What about a red / white / blue one to commemorate 9-11?

Well come on over to Facebook and like my page and you will be entered into the drawing on September 12!!!

Crochet Cyster's Crafts

We have 180 likes so far and the goal for this contest is 333 (my lucky number)!!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Hormonal Imbalance

OK I don't really have a hormonal imbalance but I might in a few weeks. I have decided to once again stop my hormone replacement meds.  I just don't want that synthetic crap.  Instead I have purchased some herbal remedies that should help with the few menopausal symptoms I was not fond of (hot flashes, sleeplessness and vaginal dryness / tightness).   On my list of purchased goods was:

Flax-seed: great source of omega-3 fatty acids which is vital for heart health.  They help keep blood pressure and cholesterol down (I think I need to sneak some in the foods I make for P).  They also contain lignans which may help fight colon (yay), breast, and skin cancers and can help with menopausal symptoms.  They can also help clear up acne and help with mood.  So its an all around win for me with this one.

Red clover: contains a large amount of isoflavones which acts like estrogen in mammals curtailing menopausal symptoms.  It can also treat respiratory and skin problems.  Again here, two birds, one stone.

Schizandra berries: a Chinese herb reputed to have health benefits such as improved sexual health, skin beautification, heightened mental activity, respiratory support and improved body functions.   This one is mainly for my sexual health.

My goal is still to lose a few pounds and overall feel healthier.  I am giving the herbs till Christmas to see if they work and if not then I have my meds I can go back on.  But my fingers and toes are crossed that I don't need to!

Friday, August 24, 2012


Today I had an echocardiogram done for transplant evaluation.

First off it was so cool!  I got to watch my heart actually BEATING on the screen!  Took me a few seconds to be sure that was what it really was, but it was in line with the "duh dun...duh dun...duh dun" of my heart beat.  It was so small and I laid there for a while trying to figure out which angle it was. I kept picturing baby ultrasounds and how a baby would lay in the abdomen and how that looks....and well you get the idea.

Secondly I guess it wasn't THAT cool because I started to nod off....and did one of those "jump in your seats when you realize you are falling asleep" moves, only I was laying on my side....with the echo lady rubbing the device over my boob.  Ah well.  She asked if I was falling asleep and laughed.  I felt like an ass but hey they keep it dark in there and looking at my heart can only entertain me for so long ya know.

I was the youngest one in the waiting room by far.  I guess today was the older generation (see how I used that instead of old farts lol) day at the cardiovascular center.

I am feeling thoroughly overwhelmed at this transplant evaluation.  I have hit denial mode and just can't seem to find the energy to move forward with it.  My BRAVO test is scheduled but I need to move it because it falls on a day I will be inpatient, and they won't place it while inpatient (seriously PENN was so much better about this shit than BWH is sheesh).  Clinic sent me a list of everything I have to have done, and when, to keep myself on the list (active or not) when I am actually listed.  Key is getting everything up to date all at once so they can present my case and decide if I am a good candidate for lung transplantation.

But that is where I fall off the wagon.  Getting it all scheduled and completed before something else expires.  It's almost like I am sabotaging this before it even begins.  Kinda like all my old relationships HA!  If you sabotage it before it starts, then there is no disappointment when it doesn't work/happen right?  RIGHT?

I remember when transplant was a word that described sick people needing new organs.  It was a word that I NEVER thought I would ever use on an almost daily basis.  It is a word I NEVER thought I would think about constantly.  And it is a word I NEVER thought would cause me so much anxiety and fear.

I do plan on discussing my main concerns with the doctor next time I am there.  I need them to be aware of my concerns, and see if they are the same as theirs...i.e. cancer.  All this because of the threat of cancer.  All this because I am PETRIFIED to get cancer after transplant.  When I say petrified I mean like the kids in Jurassic Park when they are running for their lives scared.  Yeah intense I know.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Fevers Still

Just a quick update from me.

My fevers are back again blah. I am so run down.  Sucks.  I even slept a BUNCH this past week.  Holding off for September 6th though so I am all fresh and cleaned out for the wedding (which is 2 months away today!!!).

Hopefully this week I can sleep some more, and get back into exercising and maybe clear out that way.  I don't think it will happen though.  IVs will most definitely be on my radar for the future.

On the bright side I have listed a few items on etsy again.  Check me out!  And if you have any friends having babies anytime soon maybe you could even purchase something homemade for them ;)

Crochet Cyster's Crafts

Tuesday, August 14, 2012


I never realized just how anxious I was until this past weekend.  And I didn't realize just how awesome a job my anti-depressant did to alleviate my anxiety.

Sunday I had a bridal shower to go to for a friend, her fiance works with P.  I was all hyped up to go, got dressed up in a new dress I bought, did my hair, put on some cool earrings and out the door I went.  Then I hit people driving like slow pokes....and it was much harder to find than I had thought from the map....I was now 17 minutes late.  And no idea when she was supposed to get there (though she did know about it, I didn't want to be walking in with her).  So I find the place, drive in the parking lot and see its SUPER small and there is NO ROOM left. And to top it off, the shower is RIGHT there, out in the open with everyone watching me trying to turn around.  And it hits me, I KNOW NO ONE at the shower except the bride.  My heart started racing, my palms were sweating more than usual.  I knew I would have to walk across the field to get to the pavilion, and I knew if I parked right away and walked up, they would know it was me who was turning around (yeah who cares right?  This girl does cause she is a mental case).  I drove around looking for some parking and settled on across the street in the grass with another car.  I sat there for a good 25 minutes before I decided I was too stressed to go and left.  I couldn't face walking across the field with 100 eyes that I did not know staring at me.

I haven't done something like that in over 4 years....before I went on Celexa.

Do I need to go back on it?  Most likely.  But the chances of me going back on it are slim to none.  I don't want to be on the meds anymore.  I hate having to be on the hormone replacement, but I have to if I want to continue to have sex (TMI?  suck it up lol).  I just never realized I was that bad before.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Blog Header

Soooooooooooooooo, did everyone notice my new blog header picture?


Well check it out!

My good friend Josh over at Joshland made it for me.  Isn't he the bestest?????

Thursday, August 9, 2012

It Breaks My Heart

I have been putting off this post because I just wasn't sure how I wanted to approach it.  I was devastated at the news and it really hasn't sunk in yet.

I don't know if you recall 2 years ago (will be in November), me writing about a friend who passed away from CF leaving behind his wife and their dog.  I think I also posted about her Breast Cancer diagnosis on his birthday, just 6 months after he passed.  Though I checked my posts and I don't see one.  Maybe I didn't post specifically about it.  Either way:  (here is her blog)

On Gess' birthday, about 6 months after he passed away, she got the phone call saying she had stage 2 breast cancer.  She immediately began treatment for it and had her eggs harvested so when she beat cancer she would be able to have babies.  As time went on the cancer grew and spread.  It was later learned that she was stage 4, not stage 2.  It also spread to other organs.  I am not sure exactly where but by the end it was in her lungs.  She did everything she could to beat it.  She tried so hard.  And she never gave up on living.  She traveled to so many places, to visit family, to visit friends.  She made her memories.  She was told she had more time.  Then things went downhill fast.  She was hospitalized for almost a month.  She was going to go home on hospice and live out the remainder of her days at home.  Then things got worse.  They transferred her to a hospice facility to live for a few more weeks....then 24 hours after we learned this....she passed away.

Ugh.  It breaks my heart.  I can't even write this without crying.  She was so young.  He was so young.  Its one of those stories you hear that you want to ask if its a movie.  That nothing like this could really happen in real life because it sucks so freaking much.

My consolation is that she is finally back in her soul mate's arms.  She was absolutely devastated when he passed away.  She never had time to mourn properly.  She never had time to learn to live without him.  She had to struggle with cancer without the one and only love of her life.

It breaks my heart.

She is also living on.  Her corneas were donated to someone....which, ironically, is also what was transplanted from Gess.  Maybe the two people will meet and fall in love.....

I am glad she is pain free and in Gess' arms.  But it is so unfair she had to go that way.  Why did the universe have to send her cancer to put her back in Gess' arms?  Why couldn't she be struck by lightning or something that was quick and fairly painless?  She struggled and she suffered and she did so for no good reason.  She is still gone.  Gone forever.


Monday, August 6, 2012

Curve Balls

Sometimes life throws us on a course that we aren't expecting but that we need.

For 2 weeks I was up early to take E to camp (read 7am) and then off to the gym to exercise.  No time to nap though as she needed to be picked up at 12:30.  I did have a couple of days where I did get a break but they were towards the beginning which really does nothing for me.

Last week E and I were in PA visiting my family.  Again I was not getting much sleep with 3 kids who are early risers.  I napped one day out of the 8 there.  Plus we were in the sun most of the day or I was out partying it up (bridal shower and bachelorette party - pictures will be posted at some point).  So I am totally and completely worn out.

Then there is today, followed by the rest of the week.  Up at 6:30 to be in class by 8:30.  Today we were in the classroom for 8 hours.  The next 3 days we will be walking around archives in Boston and Salem.  O.M.G.  The walking is going to kill me.  I digress though.  By 2pm I was shivering and feeling completely achy.  I could tell I had a fever.  When I got home I took my temp....It is running between 99.3 and 100.1.  Nothing horrible but ugh!!!  One day.  I lasted one day before I got "sick".  I say "sick" because I know it is lack of sleep.

Besides completely running myself ragged the past 3 weeks I finally got my O2 study results back.  Drum-roll please.....I need O2 with sleep, even when "healthy".  And of course I haven't been wearing it so I keep forgetting to put it on when I go to bed.  Tonight I won't.  Tonight I plan on going to bed, oh, well, in about an hour and sleeping all night, with my O2.

What does this all mean?  Well it means it is a good thing I did not interview and get a new job.  I lasted 3 weeks on less sleep than usual.  3 weeks before I began running fevers.  3 weeks before I know I am too exhausted to do anything.

Thank you lungs for being shitty and making a wonderful few weeks so awful.