Rest in Peace Aunt Marybeth

Monday my Aunt passed away.  She had pancreatic and liver cancer.  The past two months she has been hospitalized and this was expected, but not expected.  She leaves behind 2 beautiful daughters in high school.

She was the youngest of my father's siblings, the baby.  Not even 50 years old.  She is also the first in this generation to succumb to Lynch's deadly reach.  It just goes to show that no matter how proactive you are, sometimes, it still gets you.  A sobering thought.

There are so many fond memories I have of her.  When I was 15 she took me to my aunt's farm to start horseback riding again.  My love of horses blossomed from then on.  I rode for 3 years before going to college and not having the time to continue.  On those weekly Saturday excursions, she would let me drive her little red car.  It was a stick shift.  So I learned to drive before I was 16 on the rocky driveway into the farm and sometimes even on the open roads up there.  She was a great rider.

I remember going away for the annual ski trip with the family and my brother and I hitching a ride up with her and my then uncle.  So many great memories on those trips.

I remember going to the baby shower for her first baby, my cousin.

I remember the pool at her house and the dogs and the parties we had there.  I had my high school graduation party at her house.  It was a blast!

As I got older, I lost contact with her in the sense that we didn't see each other as often as we had.  But just like the others, I saw her at all the family gatherings.

And just this past October I was blessed to be able to spend a few days with her and my other aunt in Maine.  It is a few days I will never forget.

When I heard the news she had cancer in April, my heart broke.  But I never gave up hope that she would survive.  We are a strong family.  But sometimes, we survive by leaving this world.  She may be gone but she will never, ever be forgotten.  She is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, no longer wondering if and when she will get better.  She always had a smile on her face and love in her heart.  And until the day I join her, I will always remember that smiling face and the games she loved to play.

Rest now Aunt Marybeth.  We will always love you.

Clinic Update

I had my 3 month clinic appointment yesterday.  I can't believe I survived 3 months without a call in there somewhere.

All my numbers are the same.  I was 1.09L on October 1st and yesterday I was 1.08L.  37% and holding. I will take it.  My weight was down another 1.5lbs but I am OK with that.  I am still 116 and that isn't a bad weight to be.  I'll worry if I hit 110 or lower.

I got the all clear to star full dose Orkambi in Tuesday.  I go away this weekend so I am waiting till I get back to start.  I should be fine but hey you never know.

Still no need to start insulin.  I had a few weeks where I was running high, even my fasting numbers, but then other weeks where my fasting was normal.  One day they were 66 when I got up!  Kinda low!  So long acting is out.  And my over 200s are not consistent enough to need insulin before meals.  So its keep monitoring and see how they are in 3 months again.  Easy enough.

That is all.  Boring life here lol.  But at least there are no crazy health issues in my life right now.

I want to be a bookseller

Last weekend P and I decided to take a drive.  It was New Year’s weekend and with three days off, he was starting to get bored and I was restless having everyone at home with me.  There were a few books I wanted to pick up so we decided to take a trip to our favorite used book store up in the Ipswich area.  We meandered up and when we pulled into the parking lot we saw the building was EMPTY!  The whole thing!  No used book store and no antiques shop below.  Just a sign saying they would be back after lunch…..no forwarding address, no we moved sign.  NOTHING.  I was (still am!) devastated!!!  We loved that place.  Not to mention finding a used book store that isn’t part of the Salvation Army or in Barnes and Noble is near impossible. 

As we drove away I had the very strong desire to open my own book store.  A quaint little shop here in our town where we would sell some new, old and maybe even rare books.  We could have a small little coffee station in the store and a lounge area to read.  Free wifi of course and I could bake some bread and make some jams to sell.  During the slow hours I could relax and crochet and read.  I wouldn’t have to have the store open 10am to 9pm like retailers; a reduced hour schedule like noon to 7pm would be perfect.  Maybe only a few days a week too.  I go have book club meetings and maybe even work with the library on things. 

I thought of it all.  I got totally wrapped up in it, even telling my mom she could move up here and work it with me. 

But it isn’t possible.  At least not right now. 

But WHY?

Am I just scared and using my health as an excuse?  Or would it really be a bad idea?  I love to read.  I would love to have my own shop.  I have the perfect location in mind.  I could find funding I am sure (grants for women owners seem to be a good place to start). 

But could I do it?  And should I do?  And will I do it?

Maybe…someday….maybe…never…