Anxiety

I never realized just how anxious I was until this past weekend.  And I didn't realize just how awesome a job my anti-depressant did to alleviate my anxiety.

Sunday I had a bridal shower to go to for a friend, her fiance works with P.  I was all hyped up to go, got dressed up in a new dress I bought, did my hair, put on some cool earrings and out the door I went.  Then I hit people driving like slow pokes....and it was much harder to find than I had thought from the map....I was now 17 minutes late.  And no idea when she was supposed to get there (though she did know about it, I didn't want to be walking in with her).  So I find the place, drive in the parking lot and see its SUPER small and there is NO ROOM left. And to top it off, the shower is RIGHT there, out in the open with everyone watching me trying to turn around.  And it hits me, I KNOW NO ONE at the shower except the bride.  My heart started racing, my palms were sweating more than usual.  I knew I would have to walk across the field to get to the pavilion, and I knew if I parked right away and walked up, they would know it was me who was turning around (yeah who cares right?  This girl does cause she is a mental case).  I drove around looking for some parking and settled on across the street in the grass with another car.  I sat there for a good 25 minutes before I decided I was too stressed to go and left.  I couldn't face walking across the field with 100 eyes that I did not know staring at me.

I haven't done something like that in over 4 years....before I went on Celexa.

Do I need to go back on it?  Most likely.  But the chances of me going back on it are slim to none.  I don't want to be on the meds anymore.  I hate having to be on the hormone replacement, but I have to if I want to continue to have sex (TMI?  suck it up lol).  I just never realized I was that bad before.