Friday, February 1, 2013

Vanilla CF

What is Vanilla Cystic Fibrosis?

My old CF doctor used to tell me I had Vanilla CF....meaning I was very low key, by the book, nothing out of the ordinary.  As I have gotten older I have gotten worse, but there have been no sudden drops which I was unable to gain back.  I haven't really scared anyone (besides that PICC issue a few years ago!) with a horrible case of anything.  As it stands now, Cancer is pretty much more worrisome to me than CF is.  Probably unjustly so, but that is how I see it.

Sounds pretty decent right?

So why do I feel so undeserving of it?

What do I mean?

Why do I feel like it isn't fair that I seem so "healthy" and I have friends out there struggling every day?

Or why do I feel like it isn't fair that I seem so "healthy" when I have friends who are dead?

Every day on Facebook there is another friend who is asking for prayers because their health is wacky.  Or another who is waiting to hear if their issue is their body rejecting their new lungs.  Or yet another who is on the mend from months of being in a shitty state.

While I thank God that I am healthy, I also wonder, why me?  Survivor's guilt perhaps?

Just some late night thoughts.....

And to lighten it up (HA)....I chopped my hair off today!  I am donating it to Locks of Love!!!  I know I know, Pantene doesn't charge for their wigs, but I color my hair and Pantene won't take permanent dyes, while LoL will.  12" chopped off!  I feel so naked without my hair!!!

1 comment:

  1. I donated my 16" of hair too last Christmas! Feel so naked!!