Friday, January 22, 2010

Babies R Us

Odd title I know but this blog is all about…you guessed it…babies. 

Somehow this morning  my mom and I got on the topic of birth control.  I’m an adult, my mom knows I am sexually active so this isn’t such a strange thing.  At least not in my happy little world.  She did give me grief for not being on any since stopping the Mirena last month.  But it messes with my system too much and to me it is not worth it.  If I am meant to get pregnant I will get pregnant, but I don’t foresee that happening.  This little conversation brought back some feelings I had had while away for the past month.

I want a baby. 

There I said it.  It’s true.  I want a baby, I want a child.  It will never happen and no I won’t do anything rash, trust me.  But I still want a baby. 

I was home last week watching TV and working on my nephew’s cape when the feeling just hit me.  I assume there was a commercial or something on the show I was watching that triggered it, but whatever it was it made me want a baby.  And want one with my boyfriend.  That was a strange new sensation for me.  In the past I have wanted a baby, but never wanted one with the man…err boy…I was with.  So for me to feel this way was odd, but a good odd.  It meant something to me. 

My whole life I have wanted children.  More importantly, I have wanted a family.  Granted there are other ways to have that family, and I am in one now (boyfriend has a daughter).  But when I was sitting there I wanted a child that looked like us, that had our weird quirks, that was us.  I wanted our baby. 

The feeling has died down since then, but it still lingers.  It lingers when I see a newborn out and about.  It lingers when I think about the few people I know that are pregnant.

For now I will be grateful for a wonderful niece and nephew, supporting family and friends, and an amazing boyfriend.

BTW, nothing beats walking into your brother’s house and having your nephew run up to you and wrap his arms around you.  It was the best feeling.


  1. I'm not really sure why you say it'll never happen. Is it because of the CF? There have been a decent number of successful pregnancies in mothers with CF since the mid-80s. Every article I've read so far talks about concerns (diet being one, insulin levels being another), but that if those concerns are monitored carefully by doctors, most CF pregnancies can be carried to term.

    Is there a combination of your meds that makes conception or pregnancy difficult or impossible? I'm sorry to be so nosy about this, but my girlfriend is in the same position as you: she has CF (had a double-lung transplant, too) and wants nothing more than to have a baby. So mostly I'm just wondering if you've read stuff I haven't.

    But if not, don't give up. It can and has been done. You can do it if you're careful and stay in touch with your doctor. From what I've read, you already do that.

  2. I completely understand that feeling. Only I think I had it a little worse than you. It started out the same way and then I turned into a crazy psychopath that saw babies EVERYWHERE! I couldn't get the thought out of my mind for a moment and like you I said it would never happen.... clearly it did happen for me though. Lol... if you REALLY want a child I think you should have one, I mean granted your health permits it. Honestly I think I've been healthier since having a child... well after the crazy sleepless nights while she was a newborn. I mean my numbers are down a tad (my fault) but I think I've maintained being off antibiotics longer, she gave me a reason to want to be healthy and something to live for.

  3. Bo I will never have a baby because I am not healthy enough. I am close to needing transplant and I don't want to have a baby when I can barely keep myself healthy. Also, most centers don't want you have a baby after transplant.

    I have many CF friends that have babies and I know it is possible. It just will never happen for me. I won't do that to me or to the baby.

  4. There probably isn't much I can say, being one of the ones who does have kids. But I can only tell you that there are nights I wonder what the hell was I thinking bringing two kids into this world knowing I could not be here to see through that decision. Sometimes I feel so selfish for having done it. I know sharing that with you won't make your biological clock stop ticking or make the desire to have a baby with someone you love any less, but only to let you know that i feel for you struggling with this. Sadly, CF just makes parenting and the choice to become a parent (bioligcally, step, adopting) all that much more difficult. (((HUG)))

  5. I know what you mean Amy. Of course, my situation is a bit different, but the same, you know? Today we looked at houses and the one we really liked had an extra room--which in my mind was the baby's room. We are still talking about it. It is a hard, crappy decision. I hate that CF takes even these things away from us--or at least makes them so darn difficult! Hugs!!!