Thursday, February 18, 2010

Stubborn to a "T"

We as CFers tend to be a stubborn and independent bunch.  I am no exception.

This week has been a lot of fun for me!  I have been decorating my boyfriend's daughter's room for her for her 8th birthday (which is Friday) while she is on vacation with her Nana in Florida.  She adores pink and princesses so I of course did just that.  Her walls are pink and one is chocolate brown.  Then her white bunk beds and new white bookcases look fabulous on the brown wall.  I got new bedding, new curtains and re-arranged the whole room.  Now it looks like a little princess' room.  I can't wait until Tuesday when she gets home so she can see it!

Of course with all of this work comes th CF side of life.  My chest hurts, my back throbs and I haven't been able to catch my breath since Monday.  OK that last one is a bit of an exaggeration but you know what I mean.  I huff and wheeze and struggle all day to breathe, yet I refuse to stop.  It's hard not being able to move your own things around so a part of me insisted that I do this all on my own, no matter the cost.  And I felt like I needed to make up for my inability to move my belongings.

This past weekend I moved the rest of my stuff up from my mom's house in PA.  I was lucky enough to have my friend Tina come down with me to help.  It was nice having someone else in the truck for the ride up this time.  Usually it is just me and it does get boring.  And I would have been really bored since the cig lighters didn't work so I couldn't use my iPod.  Anyway, packing the truck just was not in the stars for me.  I was so SOB after moving a few books, light ones too, that I had to stop and watch.  It SUCKS.  Being on the sidelines for things like that really get to me.  I am supposed to be able to do it all on my own and when I can't I feel incompetent.  Each move it gets worse too.  Last time it was only the book boxes and really heavy stuff I had to avoid  This time it was pretty much everything.  I did unload some of the boxes into the house on my own and then Peter helped me take the rest to the basement.  I carried them to the top of the steps and he took them down.  But even the 20 feet from the truck to the stairs wore me out super fast.  I was leaning on the door in no time.  It depresses me.

I know this isn't the first time I have written about this and I know it won't be the last either.  I just wish it would all go away so I could do the heavy manual lifting and moving I am used to doing.  Depending on someone else to do it is not my cup of tea.  But I insist on pushing myself until I absolutely can not breathe or until I am forced, by the people helping, to stop and relax.

Stubborn?  You know it...and I will be till the day I like 30 years :)


  1. I bet that looks awesome.... love the colors...

  2. You should have taken before and after photos!!! :)

  3. Can't wait to see pics of the room!

    oh and stubborn is a good thing ;)

  4. Stubborn is what keeps us going darlin'! I know exactly how you feel, I get so mad when I cannot do the things I used to!!! When I feel good enough to do things, I tend to severely overdue and pay for it for weeks! Yeah stubborn is right. Sounds like the room is beautiful. It will mean so much to her I am sure. Hope you feel better soon.

  5. Keep writing about it, no matter how often - getting it off your chest is so much better than holding it all in, I've found. And I completely know how you feel as I'm sure most of us CFers do. Over time, as you sit by and watch more and more of your ability drift away, it just gets more and more frustrating and, oddly enough, makes you push yourself even harder.

    Really though, it takes the MOST strength to allow others to help you - if you can try and direct your stubborn-ness toward refusing to push your body beyond its capability, you'll have learned the lesson all of us strive to learn (and very few of us, including me, have ever completely grasped).

    Love you girl. Keep on keepin' on!

  6. I wondered on to your webpage and I recognized it somehow. I have no clue how, but I do. I have been catching up the past while and have enjoyed your honesty and hilarity that having CF brings! I have to admit too, that I think having CF makes people more stubborn without a doubt, but with that stubborn trait come an insane amount of passion. Thanks for writing it!