Monday, November 8, 2010

All my spoons are spent

Days like today I get scared.  Days like today I get a glimpse into what my future holds.  Days like today I think CF wins a bit

It is 2:30pm.  I woke up at 11:30am after 11 hours of sleep.  I was still tired, still wanted to sleep, but I knew I had things to do.  Like clean and laundry. At 2:30 I am 2 loads into 4 loads of laundry and done cleaning.  Not the good tear-the-house-apart-scrubbing-everything kind of cleaning.  Just your basic dust the tables, wipe down counters and vacuum cleaning.  Then I showered.  Now I sit panting, gasping for breath, with a high (122) heart rate but decent O2 (94).  Pain in my lungs and back.  A desire to lay down and sleep the rest of the day.  And a low grade fever (99.1).

All my spoons have been spent.

I have about 2 days like this a week.  Sometimes more, sometimes less, but on average 2.  Admittedly that is fairly good for a 30 year old with CF.  Especially one on SSDI and +/-40% lung function.

I dread the day when those 2 days become 4, then 6, then everyday.  This feeling is no fun.  It's horrible and I don't know how people do it.

1 comment:

  1. I remember having days like this. . .I was lucky if I even got dressed for the day. Hope you feel better tomorrow. CF isn't fair.