I don't even know where to start. I am so unbelievably depressed right now. I sat at my dining room table looking through papers with the hood on my sweatshirt up hoping it would help hide me from the world. All I want to do is go to bed and never wake up.
I got more papers in the mail today to fill out for MassHealth. I still don't have health insurance. My next appointment is Tuesday the 18th. I emailed my clinic to see what they think since I have already cancelled once. I need to go. I haven't seen a doctor since March 17th and I need to soon. I have so many questions and things I need to up. I am running out of meds too and I need refills on some things that I can only get with insurance since they are too high to pay out of pocket.
I signed into my bank account to check on my funds and I am negative. I transferred over the last $150 from my savings and now I have $42 to last me until I get approved and paid for my long term disability. I have to call my 2 student loans, credit card and car loan companies tomorrow and tell them I can't pay. This is the first time in my entire life I have had to do this. I saw the red balance and I started bawling.
I can't buy food, I can't pick up my prescriptions, I can't get gas for my car. I am stuck. And I can't ask Peter to help me. I already live here free of charge how can I ask him to pay for my things.
Then just to add to the mix, I keep getting a bill for my $50 copay on my last appointment in March, which I paid that day. I sent the receipt into Children's to show I paid and then today I get yet another bill! I called all last week because I had gotten one but couldn't get through. Today I did get through and what do they tell me? They have no record of me sending in the receipt! Seriously?
On top if this I am pretty sure I am lactose intolerant so I am trying to change that part of my life style. And my depression is rearing its ugly head again so I think I need a different med or an add on. None of which can be done until I see my doctor and get insurance. I can't stop crying and I can't wake up. I hate depression and I hate CF. Life was easier when I worked and I know this was for the better but as I look at my negative bank account and the lack of insurance I wonder if it really IS worth it.