Saturday, October 30, 2010


...I am

Pissed off

And all at CF.

Right now I am miserable.  I can only blame it on CF because I am uncomfortable.  I am bloated.  I am SOB.  I am hurting.

My gut is filled to the brim.  I have taken Miralax and am slowly waiting for it to work.  Until then I am sporting the 5 month pregnancy look, and feeling dam near close to that as well.

I am SOB because of the bloating.  It is pushing on my diaphragm and making it difficult to get comfortable and breathe.  I've done my second treatment of the day and still no relief.  The albuterol isn't even doing anything for me.  Well a little bit, I can inhale a bit deeper, but overall I feel no difference.  I want to be able to feel the difference.  Like years ago, when I would do a treatment I could tell.  I could get back up and go again.  Now, unless my first treatment makes me feel that way, I am done for the day.  I will truck on of course, because that is my nature, but the day will just result in me grumpy and miserable.  How fun.

As is typical me, on the opposite side of the spectrum I am ready to cry and just lay in bed all day.  I want to be alone.  I want to curl into a ball and escape.  Because that is my escape route.  To hide under the covers and pretend that nothing exists.  I have sleeping pills, I could take them and sleep all day and through the night.  But will I?  No.  I will go about the day in a blur, feeling bloated and annoyed and hope that 11pm comes quickly so I can fall asleep and wake up, hopefully, feeling refreshed.

I have disabled comments on this post because I just wanted to vent.