My first attempt to Crochet

I always wanted to learn how to crochet.  When my SIL was pregnant with my nephew 5 years ago I wanted to make a blanket for him.  I never got around to it.  So here I am 5 years later and learning on my own.  I went to the store yesterday and bought needles, yarn and some instruction guides.  I started yesterday and while I am not very good, I know practice will make perfect.  I just have to find a way to hold my fingers better.  

My main reason for wanting to learn is to give me something to do when I am admitted.  I want to make a poncho for my mom for Christmas and a scarf for my SIL and step mom.  I figure I have 10 months to learn and get "good" and even if they aren't perfect they will be from the heart.  

If I ever finish the first few lessons and they look ok I will post pictures :)  So you can all follow me in my attempt to crochet!!!!

Home from MA (UPDATED WITH PIC)

I am home and I am exhausted.  The services were beautiful.  It was great meeting her parents and sister and Andy.  And of course some of her friends.  It was sad and for some reason hugging her dad made me cry the hardest.  Even now as I write this I am tearing up.  I started crying when I walked in but when it came my turn to introduce myself to him I squeaked out "I'm Amy from CF chat too".  You know those sobs that you feel coming on and you can tell you are just gonna burst at the seam?  That's how I felt, but I didn't.  I bawled but not audibly.  

Even after attending the services it still doesn't seem real.  It still seems like a dream or a joke.  She isn't really gone...not findingJenn.  Not our Jenn.  

I'm trying to put a positive spin on it.  The Lord felt she was needed now.  That she was better served with Him as she was and not in a few years, or 20.  Perhaps he needs her more than we do.  It doesn't feel that way.  I will miss reading her blog updates.  I will miss her in chat.  

All week I have been thinking about a comment she left on my blog.  Here is the post.  I have thought about it over and over since I found out she was in a coma.  It's not her time, but alas I guess it really was....

I have so many more tears inside and I hope I can shed them before long.  

On a positive note.  It was fabulous meeting Talana finally!  I have a picture of us together but since I am so tired I will upload it tomorrow and add it here.

I also have other news to update on but that will wait until Sunday.  I have to write it all out first....

here is the picture of Talana and I outside the Church where the lunch was held after the services.  Jenn's awesome sister took the picture for us.

<3

To MA I shall go

Since I won't get a chance to do this before I leave I thought I would post now.  I am heading up to Uxbridge this evening and shall return tomorrow night.  I have my friend's GPS and will pack my bags after work while I neb.  I have a box of tissues and lots of masks.  

I'm saddened to be going for Jenn's wake.

I'm nervous to meet her family.

I'm excited to meet Talana.

So many emotions it shall be a long emotional day.

<3

Awake

I have been awake since 3:30 this morning after falling asleep around 11pm.  I can't sleep.  I can't fall asleep.  I kept thinking of Jenn and her family and her fiance.  How hard it must be for them.

I kept thinking of P and how he lost his friend last week.  I kept thinking how hard it is for him.  How I wish I could just give him a huge hug and make it all go away.

So much death in the last week.  2 young people taken from this world long before their time should have been up.  Leaving behind family and friends who will mourn until it is their time.

It just saddens me.

Hug your family and friends and tell them they mean the world to you.

<3

more on Jenn since I can't stop thinking about her

I don’t know where to begin.  When I am hurting it helps to write so write is what I shall do.  

I don’t think it is real.  I don’t feel anything.  I am sad yes, but it doesn’t seem to have sunk in yet.  I haven’t cried.  Jenn is gone and I haven’t even cried.  

It doesn’t surprise me, I was like that when my step-niece passed.  I didn’t cry until the funeral.  Then it was real to me.  I assume the same will be with Jenn. 

I just keep thinking that it is a joke.  That someone will come online and say “just kidding”.  But I know its true, she really did pass.  CF really did take her life away.  

I keep seeing her smiling face from all of her pictures.  I keep thinking of how I was going to met her in December but got sick and couldn’t.  I keep thinking that when I get to meet her in person she won’t be alive. 

It’s so sad.  I’m so sad.  CF sucks.  It beats you down and takes the good people away.  But it does make you realize how awesome the friends are that you have, and makes you cherish those days with them. 

I know this won’t be the last post I write about Jenn.  It is the only way I know how to get my thoughts out.  So bear with me my dear blog readers and expect more to come in the next few weeks.  

Good Bless you Jenn! 

Breathe easy and free! 

On a side note I coughed my voice clear away.  It is gone, totally…LOL

RIP Jenn

CF took another life.  We knew it was coming, but it still hurts.  I will miss her.  

Breathe easy my friend for you are now in a place where CF can no longer touch you.  

I am sad I never got to meet you in person, but thankfully you were in my life nonetheless.  I will treasure the Christmas card I received from you this year.  I will continue to pray for A., your family and friends.  

BREATHE EASY!

and get to know the lay of the land so when the rest of us join you, you will be able to show us the greatness of the other world.

<3

Update on Jenn

Well the news isn't great but it isn't horrible either.  

They are going to try to take her off the vent so that she will be more comfortable.  

Please continue to keep her and her family in your prayers.

Katy posted this on the CF site.  It is from on of Jenn's good friends Katie:

they took her off of the meds that were paralyzing her yesterday afternoon. they are hopeful that when these start to wear off (could be hours, could be a week), she will be able to start breating on her own and they will be able to remove the respirator. there is a chance that this will give her a chance to become a little responsive, whether that means opening her eyes or being able to squeeze someone's hand. hearing that kind of got our hopes up but they were very clear that this does not in any way change the prognosis and that they are doing this to help get her more comfortable because the vent is so invasive.

she had an ekg on tuesday that revealed that one side of her heart was okay but the other side was significantly damaged. because she is sedated, they still don't know if or how much saturday's events might have damaged her brain. they have increased her pain meds a few more times and they are closely monitoring her and increasing it as much as she needs it. we were able to see her last night (i don't think we'll be going back again) and she looked better than she did on tuesday - more like jenn.

andy and joann are doing the best they can and having a tough time. her mom hasn't left her side and her dad is there 12 hours a day and taking care of both of them. one of jenn's wishes was to have her body donated to cf research and they have had all the folks at the hospital digging up information about how to do this. dr p has been coming to see her every morning and is helping them make sure they can do it through the cf foundation so they can make sure that she has the best chances of helping other cf kids. kind of depressing to think about, but it's comforting that they are doing what she really wanted and helping others to not have to go through this.

CF flipping sucks

While one life, Garran, is being extended wonderfully (he is doing fabulous and last report is he is off the vent and walking around less than 24 hrs after tx!).  And another is on the way out.  Our friend Jenn is on the vent after a severe lung bleed.  It is only a matter of days or hours until we loose her.  We are all so sadden and heartbroken.  It happened so fast.  She has been in the hospital for a few weeks working through some medical issues, and waiting to be listed for a lung transplant.  And now this.  

I feel so distanced, so removed from it.  Like it isn't happening and it is just some bad nightmare.  Talking about it doesn't seem like it is her.  Like it is someone else, or a TV show.  

I don't want her to go but I don't want her to suffer.  

I pray to God that she is not suffering and that her family has the strength to get through this.

We all love you Jenn and are pulling with all our might that a miracle might happen and bring you back to chat with us.

<3

So many prayers needed please!!!!!

7 year old Garran got his call yesterday and was transplanted.  He now has 2 fresh new lungs to breathe!!!!!

Here is his caringbridge site so you can all see what an amazing boy this G-man is!!! 

Please keep him, and his family in your thoughts and prayers so he can continue to do fabulously!!!!

Also, please pray for Officer Chris Jones' family.  I had not blogged about this before.  One of our brave officers here in Middletown was killed Thursday in a traffic accident while he was on duty.  The viewing and funeral are set for Wednesday and Thursday.  He was the first officer for us to loose in the line of duty here in Middletown.  

Some amazing news!

Well I am going to blog about some interesting information I discovered last night.  I went to dinner with my dad and step-mom.  I was able to fill in all the information needed about my family’s colon cancer history.  I was floored at it!  I knew of some of them but was completely in awe of just how many people have had it.  So here is my list, just first name initials.  Keep in mind this is all from my dad’s mom’s side of the family.  The x2 means they had it twice! 

- Dad

- Dad’s mom

- Aunt J (dad’s sister)

- Aunt P (dad’s sister)

- Aunt L (dad’s sister)

- Uncle J x2 (dad’s brother)

- Aunt L (dad’s sister)

- Great Uncle B (dad’s uncle – died from it)

- Great Uncle J (dad’s uncle – died from it)

- Great Uncle J x2 (dad’s uncle)

- Great Grandmom (dad’s Grandmom)

- Great Grand-dad (dad’s grand dad - died from it)

- Cousin D (dad’s cousin died when 14)

What this means is that I really need to consider being tested for the gene and getting a colonoscopy done.

I also found out that my dad’s cousin B had CF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am going to call my Grandmom and get some more information though.  It was my grandfather’s brothers daughter and my dad said she lived to be fairly old.  So I need to get some info about that. 

I will  be sure to post any and all information that I find!