Acceptance

The turnpike was backed up on my way from work today so it gave me more time to think…cause we all know how much I need that!

I was thinking about how I am moving back in with my mom soon and how this time last year I was so royally against it because I was afraid it would screw up my dating game. Well I haven’t had a date since this time last year so obviously something else screwed it up LOL. But that’s not the point. The point is that I have accepted being single. I have grasped it by the horns and I am embracing it like no other.

Quite frankly I don’t think I have ever been so happy in my life. I have my “days” here and there like everyone but not like before. I never worry if “he” is gonna call. Or if I will find the “one” anytime soon. I could care less! I ENJOY being single. I enjoy my freedom. I relish the fact that I don’t have to call anyone, see anyone, explain myself to anyone. I can be me, good old fashioned, kooky me.

I think back to when I was “crushing” on all those guys. I still find them all attractive and whatnot but the whole “OMG will I see him anytime soon” feeling is gone. In it’s place is this sense of independence and security that I never knew I had. While I was never the type to date and get a boyfriend just to have one, I always, and I mean ALWAYS, had someone I was pining over. So he always took over my mind and filled me with happiness or sorrow. But now…I am all happiness.

It’s fabulous! The thought of completely letting your emotions be controlled by someone else is just horrific! I don’t want that. I hate when people loose themselves when they date a guy. We all do it to a point, but most of my friends are this way. I guess thinking more into it, most people, when in a relationship, go from a single person mentality to a couple mentality. And no I don’t just mean in the sense that they are dating someone. In other ways too, thoughts, actions, etc. You and that person become one so to speak. For me I don’t know if I want that. That’s not to say I wouldn’t change my mind when Mr. Perfect-for-me walked in the door, but right now, the thought SCARES me.

I know I had so much more to write about and some day I will actually USE my voice notes recorder on my phone so I can get it all down. But for now I will submit to what I CAN remember!!

And on a side note…I registered to take the GRE July 18^th I go. That will give me plenty of time to study and prepare for it! I am so excited!