I definitely did way too much this weekend. I had a blast, but I overdid it. I feel like crud today. My throat hurts, I’m exhausted and my voice is going. I’m still “recovering” from my weekend in
God I hate CF! I can’t even enjoy a weekend, a NIGHT, celebrating with my friends without CF rearing its ugly head. It’s messed up. Ok, Ok, I know there are many people out there who can do much less than I so I should just suck it up, but I don’t wanna. I’m grouchy and tired today and I deserve the right to bitch about it. So kiss my ass, k?
In case you couldn’t tell I am having a bad day. I’m just down and depressed and want to crawl under my covers until at least Saturday (my raffle is Saturday and Sunday is my God daughter’s Christening). All the death, the exhaustion, everything is catching up with me.
Next Wednesday is my clinic appointment and I am going to ask if he can just write me out of work from now on. I can’t do it anymore. I am so tired all the time, and it’s not like I can get any more sleep. I need to start doing 3 treatments a day so I can stay healthy – 3 FULL treatments, not half assed ones like I am known to do. I need to get on the ball with everything. I can’t slack anymore. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to everyone else. I am still alive, I am still fighting. I bet every one of my friends that lost their lives would want that opportunity back. I can’t let it go to waste. I need to stop starting my sentences with “I”s (needed some humor haha!).
My New Year’s resolution is going to be to take better care of myself. I want to start now. I don’t want to get sick and die. And it’s not like anyone can say “oh stop worrying, you’ll be fine”. Because truth is, we haven’t a clue. No one can ever really know when CF will strike hard. It’s a total waiting game. CF really does suck the life out of you…