Friday, December 4, 2009

Still shocked about Ginger

I don’t know why I am reeling so much from the loss of Ginger. She was very sick for so many weeks, it shouldn’t hurt so badly, but it does. As much as I didn’t want to see Courtney pass, I knew it was what she wanted and what was best. She had been suffering for so long and she was ready. It was peaceful and her wishes. I wasn’t shocked when she left us, only shocked she wanted to continue on to see her father, at first then relieved she wouldn’t suffer any more.

We don’t know if Ginger asked to let go, or if this just happened. We don’t know the specific’s of her passing, just that it was complications of H1N1 that killed her. We know she was vented and trached, and had some bleeding. Ginger has a 6 year old son and a loving husband that she leaves behind. You can read her obituary here

I am still in such shock that she is gone. I was hoping to attend the services so that I could see it for myself and make it more real. Just like when Jenn passed in February, I went up to say goodbye. I am glad that I did. I really wish I could go down tonight and tomorrow. Unfortunately, we are taking one of my close friends out for her 30th birthday tomorrow night to Atlantic City. I could drive down tonight and then come home tomorrow night, but I would be so ridiculously tired I don’t know if I should. Plus it’s an 11 hour drive. I could flu into Atlanta and drive the 2.5 hours into Jackson tomorrow. But that’s not going to happen either. I can’t afford it, nor can I run myself into the ground. Ginger would understand.

I’m so over all my friends passing away. It scares me for those that are left and are awaiting lungs. It scares me for those that are just “sick”. Courtney had her transplant in September but never recovered from that, or the loss of liver and kidney functions. Ginger was “healthy” before she got the H1N1 virus. I think that is what scares me the most. She was just like me, and now she is gone. It can happen at anytime, to anyone. It’s so scary and so true. I like to think that I would be able to fight off the virus, but who knows. There have been many CFers on the forums that tested positive for it and came out fine. But their numbers were all higher than mine, their bodies not as run down so to speak. Not that I am some old lady type person. And of course my family is scared for me too. I don’t blame them, I can honestly say I have never been “Afraid” before and I am now. It’s a totally new feeling for me. Luckily, and hopefully it helps, I get my H1N1 vaccine on the 16th when I go to clinic.

I am sending all types of happy healthy vibes to my readers and fellow CFers, that this winter is done taking our friends and we can sit back and enjoy the snow and beauty around us.


  1. I feel like an old lady sometimes! I'm afraid of the virus too, and have consciously made efforts to avoid areas with lots of people. But we gotta live too! I'm tired of the deaths too, damn CF.

  2. Just offering you a *hug* my little girl has CF and I've been reading for about four months now. My greatest fear right now is that stupid flu. I just want to lock her up in our house and bleach everyone who comes to the door... my significant other assures me that the county social workers would not be amused by a bleach bath and so I haven't... she's hiding the Lysol from me so I don't get any bright ideas... CF sucks. Stay strong.

  3. It has been a rough fall. Hugs to you Amy!!

  4. Sorry about Ginger. It's been a tough year for a lot of us losing close CF friends. And like you said, those that get transplanted and all of a sudden get sick, and can't recover and end up passing is very scary. It freaks me out sometimes. Because several CFers, post transplant I knew were so healthy, one got pneumonia and could never recover. And it happened so quick. I know when I get pneumonia, sometimes the day before I feel fine and it hits me so quickly. I'm immediately admitted and it's a rough time, more more being post-transplant!! But you gotta stay strong!

    I'm glad you are getting your H1N1 flu shot! Be careful, but don't put yourself in a bubble! And thanks for the healthy vibes :) Sending you a healthy vibe, especially during this winter...and sending some hugs to you too!!!