Monday, August 25, 2008

Stupid fricking depression

Ugh I am so freaking depressed today and I have no idea why. I was a bummed mess yesterday too but I chalked it up to not enough sleep Saturday night. That and the single ladies did not get hit on AT ALL at the bar Saturday night. That in itself is depressing. Though all the guys were like 25 and younger, it still doesn’t help the ego. Especially when you deck yourself all out for ladies night and think you look fantastic. Oh well. Boys are stupid anyway!

Of course yesterday I was also nauseous to the point where I was gagging. I think it was lack of sleep too. After I napped for over an hour I felt a little better in the tummy. I was super excited I went to bed at 9pm, only to be awoken at 12:15 by P. haha. It’s all good. I went back to sleep around 2am so of course today I am all tired again. And I have the Phillies game tomorrow night so I know sleep will be lacking again tomorrow night. And to top it off I woke up 45 minutes late this morning! That meant in order to get to work on time I had to skimp on my treatments which meant no Vest, Pulmozyme or Tobi. I’m just in one of those moods where I want to cry and be left alone. Perhaps I will sleep well and not be so miserable tomorrow…fingers crossed because I don’t want to be a grump for the game!

Oh so to the funny part of the evening last night. As P. and I were sitting on my sofa, my phone rings. Guess who? B. (THE ex), from Vegas. It’s freaking 1am by this point and of course I didn’t answer! I was like you have got to be kidding me?! P. asked if it was a booty call to which I replied no he is just a friend, calling drunk from Vegas. Turns out B. accidently hit the call button on his phone. Figures right?! So now P. probably thinks I am seeing someone else too, which could be good or bad.

Its days like yesterday and today that I long for a man to curl up with. Someone to hold me, and just let me be grumpy and cry on his shoulder. I know someday I will get that, but right now I guess I just have to settle for crying to my dog.

I had myself a nice little cry on the way home from work. People on the turnpike must think I am crazy sobbing my eyes out as I maneuver lanes. I began to think of things that would make me feel better, which in turn led to me thinking about those things which I miss. Yes I miss plenty, but to narrow it down to the things that I miss by being single. It’s like pouring salt into an open wound but hell I need to let it all out!

What I miss by being single:
- No one to share my day with
- No one to come home to
- No one to wrap my arms around and never let go
- No one to hold me and just let me cry and not have to say a word because sometimes all we need is to just be held
- No one that cares how my day was and asks me about it
- No one that loves me
- No one to kiss me on the forehead and say “baby I love you”

I know there are more things but these are the only emotional ones I can fathom right now. My heart is hurting and so is my head. There is no rhyme or reason for it yet again. Alas it is just my depressed self.


  1. And more hugs from me. Isn't depression fun? Oh well. It's all cyclical in my case. Yin and yang. Good feelings, bad feelings.


  2. Hugs from me too! I hope the blues pass quickly!

  3. Hey honey, sorry to hear you're feeling sad, but I did want to clear up that there are DEFINITELY people who care about how your day went and want to hear about it, single or no. TONS of us actually, and I have yet to even meet you in person. Lol.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  4. Sorry to read this Amy. Unfortunately, depression is just usually one more thing CFers have to deal with sometime in their lives... and it sucks! Support from others going through the same thing means so much. I'm so glad I found your blog!!! Your Maggie looks SO much like my Balin!! Aren't they just wonderful?!!!!!

  5. Oh, btw.. I linked your blog to mine. I hope that's ok... just let me know if it isn't!!!