TOBI, TOBI, TOBI...ew!!

Today I started TOBI again.  So this blog will be me bitching about it endlessly.  

I usually start it at night so that I don’t sleep the first night at all.  It has been working for me for the past year.  Well last night I didn’t have any dry neb cups so I didn’t start it.  So I did it this morning.  BIG mistake!!!!  I have been horrible all freaking day.  So bad I almost went home to sit on my bed hooked up to my O2.  But I survived the day.  Not with out some serious pain though!  Ok yeah I know it pales in comparison to some people but hey it fucking hurts like hell for me!  

Right now it STILL feels like there is a 400lb man sitting on my chest and my back is arched trying to hold him up.  All your muscles in your back, shoulders and arms hurt like hell from trying your damdest to breathe normally.  My head is throbbing from coughing, but not hard since if I do it feels like my back is breaking and my lungs are going to pop right out.  Though I don’t think I would mind that haha!  I have my O2 on now but it doesn’t help the pain.  It only helps keep my HR low.  Tylenol, Motrin, Excedrin…none of them help with the pain.  Its an internal ache, a pain that does not go away with meds, only time.  How I long for my time to be here so I can rest peacefully.  

I will skip my treatment tonight and tomorrow.  Then when I start again on Sunday I SHOULD be back to normal or at least be able to function on a semi-normal basis.  

I also made the mistake of going to lunch with some friends from work.  It was the most torture I have thrown upon myself in a while.  I couldn’t even talk the entire time.  Luckily my cube-mate knew my issue and didn’t say anything.  So she kept the other friend occupied haha.  I tried to eat my sandwich when we got back but I couldn’t.  I did eventually eat it but it took a while.  At one point I put mu pulse-ox on my finger and should my mate and it was reading 89 and 130-something.  She was like holy shit!  So she put it on her finger and it read 98 and 74 haha!  She got to see first hand just what sucks about CF.  Ok well not all of it but a portion! 

So I decided that I would document what my numbers were when I left my desk and when I got to my jeep.  Below you will see what happened.  Yes the 89% was when I started and the 86% was when I took the next picture.  It did hit 85% but it went back up before I could get the picture to take.  And people ask why I can’t just deal with it when it helps me battle infections?  Fuck that!!!!  I think it has lost its efficacy on me anyway. 

Needless to say I highly doubt I will be hitting the gym tomorrow morning.  Most likely I will be sleeping until I have to get out of bed at 2 to get ready for my Christmas party for work

Ok I am done bitching.  I had much more planned out earlier today when I was driving home from work but dummy me didn’t sit down and blog right away.  I did a treatment and ate. Phooey!!!  <3